Did you find everything you were looking for?

I am questioning the adage that bigger is better. Not in all things, mind you, as I feel some things are better bigger (candy bars, airplane seats and mattresses come to mind) but the new phenomena that stores are super sized is pushing even my limits for shopping.

In the beginning, I must admit, I was intrigued. The sight of a warehouse filled with purchasable pleasures made me salivate. Moseying down the aisles, wide-eyed, at the offerings of printer cartridges, M&M’s, carpet cleaners, tool boxes, watermelons and holiday wrap all in one store was almost too much for me to bear. I felt I had found Mecca and life was good. Until, that is, I found myself “needing” and then purchasing things that honestly I didn’t have use for or frankly, I didn’t know what to do with (like the time I brought home some fancy smancy cooking doo-dad that looked really cool on their shelf but has no intrinsic value on my counter). I even had myself convinced that I was saving money in all of this, too. This is until my darling kumquat love muffin pointed out to me that if I didn’t go into the store in the first place I would save even more money – I need to still work on his optimism and attitude in my overall pursuit for spending and helping of the economy.

That was then, this is now. These “super stores” have taken over. Unless you have insider information to where the mom and pop stores of yesteryear exist, you may be forced to enter this new-fangled grandé zone and may not exit for days. Things are not what they seem in these establishments. A massive amount of money has been invested by these establishments to study how we, as consumers, do things. “They” know our every movement… “They” can predict how and why we buy… “They” can tell us more about ourselves than our family even knows. As we enter the mega-store at our own risk, innocently like lambs to slaughter; a large, oversized cart is given to us with a smile (or is it a knowing smirk?). The list you have so carefully compiled is of no use in this jumbo maze of enchantment. Which way to go first? Even if you think you know where something should be located (and it was there the last time you visited – you really should say visit because you spend enough time and money in these places that you could go on a nice, long vacation on a remote tropical island, complete with a foo-foo umbrella drink) the item has mysteriously moved and you swiftly shift into “I am on a mission” mode to retrieve this much needed tzatzkeh and stalk each aisle. Even the workers don’t know where an item may be exactly. Although the store associates, if you discover one, will point you in a direction it isn’t always the right direction. Look at it as an added bonus to this exercise in futility if you are able to find things you didn’t even know you needed.

I once put on approximately 27 miles in just one outing looking for toothpaste. In the process I found “smell-good” candles, special toilet paper for our RV, Magic cards for my son, chew toys for the dogs, picture frames, fabric, batteries, miniature bagels, salt for snow removal and salt for cooking, anti-freeze, dryer sheets, bed sheets, sheets of decorative paper – everything but toothpaste. The jumbo cart sure comes in handy for these lucky finds of mine.

Unless the government reveals that secretly these stores are really a strategic plan for the fight against plumpness, due to the increased movement one must have in retrieving an item, we should approach with extreme caution. These emporiums of delight could be harmful to our health (as we grab that hot dog and drink for our excursion), our pocketbooks (cha-ching), our children (think what we are teaching future generations) and our marriages (better to shop alone)… be careful out there, behind the titillation lurks trouble with a capital “T”.

Cynthia A. McClelland, curious observer of the obvious with interpretations of the oddities of daily life. Mother, wife and lover of the furry, resides in the north Lake Tahoe area.

Cynthia A. McClelland © 2003-