Here's the Scoop

I have noticed that there are more self-help books available than you can shake a stick at.  This is not a bad thing, I admire people that can help themselves; it shows they wish to attain awareness and understanding of their inner workings.  When something isn’t quite jiving, some folks will take the initiative to delve deeper into their personal psyche’s and become one with their self, soul and spirit.

That aside, I feel (in my most humble, unprofessional, non-paid, not asked for, non-medical opinion) that ice cream and the way one eats (or attacks, as the case may be) this delectable frozen concoction could help unlock the hidden root of many of one’s unexplained peculiarities, oddities and personality traits.

In the spirit of learning more about ourselves, strictly for science sake, we must answer some tough questions: do you prefer soft serve, scooped or first available? (this may indicate either: a) a deep rooted childhood summertime memory or b) different sensations achieved by one or the other); choice of flavor(s)? (if you mix your flavors or opt for a new taste treat, this may show a creative and bold side – unless, of course, you get the same flavor every time); are you a purist or are toppings necessary? (M&M’s, chocolate chips and hot fudge work well together – don’t forget the ice cream); waffle or sugar cone? (do you bypass this frivolity and use a bowl due to better capacity, or better yet, just go for the container?); and last, but certainly not least, do you indulge in your ice cream in the privacy of your own home or have the confidence to visit a retail establishment? I won’t even ask if indulging is a mere treat or a bona fide meal choice, a true connoisseur and aficionado already knows the correct answer to this one.

As important as the selections made is to understand the ingestion process.  From a reliable source, I have found that if you can, eat your ice cream sitting down at a table.  If you're walking, you can trip.  If you trip, your ice cream falls.  The 10-second rule notwithstanding, it's hard to pick ice cream up off the ground – a dreadful waste.  If this happens often, you may want to consider a bowl.

Different people have their own distinct styles of attacking an ice cream cone.  You are either a licker or a biter of the icy delight.  From an ever-faithful computer search, I learned that the “proper” way to indulge in a cone is to lick the ice cream around its base; approximately right above where the cone begins, in a circular pattern.  Do this by holding the cone upright and rotating it in your hands, not by tilting it horizontally.  If you tilt the cone towards the horizon, the ice cream will drop out (I have seen people do this, it is not pretty.) If you lick the ice cream at one spot, instead of in a circle, it will drip over the side in the neglected areas – you have to work doubly hard to handle this melt factor without interfering with any progress in the original area, which may interfere with the satisfaction level.  I can’t even contemplate the type of person who insists biting the pointy end off their cone first.  But do what you must and realize there are some unresolved issues you may be dealing with.

I don’t have the answers.  I do know this will be a personal journey with rich rewards.  In my own endeavor to extrapolate essential knowledge from this habit, I must investigate extensively my ice cream tendencies and apply the findings to my daily life in the hope that I can better myself.  I feel I should not do it alone and thus, have asked Ben & Jerry to be by my side for support, consult and comfort. 

On second thought, maybe I need to get this overt desire for ice cream checked out… by a real professional.

Cynthia A. McClelland, curious observer of the obvious with interpretations of the oddities of daily life.  Mother, wife and lover of the furry, resides in the north Lake Tahoe area.

Cynthia A. McClelland © 2003-