Potty Mouth

I know this is going to be a sensitive topic.  You never see it much on prime time TV and in very few movies.  It just isn’t something that we want our young children to see.  But, I think it is time we bring this subject to light.  We need to open up and talk about it with friends and neighbors.  We should get opinions from waitresses and certainly must formulate our own thoughts on the topic.  We must unite for this common cause! It is a natural need for humans… to find the ultimate “John”.

WC, “the loo”, restroom, bathroom, “the can” or “the office” – call it what you may (they actually called it a lavatory when I was in elementary school – I would confuse it with laboratory and thought Frankenstein may be in residence), you can tell a lot about a place by their facilities.  Yet, as a population, we speak in hushed tones, if at all, about the state of affairs in this area of necessity.  Even if you travel the world, there is no one that stands (if you know what I mean) above the rest.  I feel we have accepted mediocrity when the sense of urgency hits us.

Of course, there is no place like home.  This is a haven of sorts that is all yours.  Rules can be made for the others in the household to follow and life is good.  However, there will be a time that nature calls and you are nowhere near your chosen commode.  These are scary times… do you or don’t you?  Any parent, who has ventured out with small kids, can tell you the location and state of cleanliness of the preferred public facilities.  This is invaluable information and could be sold to the highest bidder.  Mom’s discuss this topic and only impart details to certified friends.  To divulge too much would be an infraction in keeping this favored pit stop in an acceptable state of hygienic-ness, thus negating any future desire of visitation.

Apparently, as I have heard from an informed source, there is a noticeable difference between men and women’s accommodations.  How he would know about the female factor is difficult to say, but I am willing to take his word for it.  For example, in upscale restaurants and hotels, there is a sitting or lounge area in most ladies rooms.  They are usually nicely appointed with floral printed, overstuffed chairs… can you tell me exactly why people would want to linger and chat?  Men’s rooms seem to afford the user a more streamlined approach.  Although as knowledgeable as this friend is, he had no answer for the age-old question of why is there always a waiting line for the women and none for the men – must have something to do with the equipment.

The job’s not done until the paperwork is complete, which brings up the question of toilet tissue, a great invention that never really has gotten its due.  I know leaves will work, but one has to be so careful with the variety chosen.  Other than not having any bunwad in a stall, which by all accounts is up there in the stress department, I have a problem with the diminutive squares of paper that individually come out of that little box affixed to the stall. Seriously, what is with those?  They are useless (well, not entirely), frustrating, little devices that I am sure are part of an evil plot.

And, there is the sensitive issue of when a roll of toilet paper is placed on its holder should the paper roll over the top or under?  Do you prefer one ply or two?  Is scented really worth it?  So many questions, so little space… do take time to ponder these the next time you are seated on the throne… inquiring minds will want to know.

Cynthia A. McClelland, curious observer of the obvious with interpretations of the oddities of daily life.  Mother, wife and lover of the furry, resides in the north Lake Tahoe area.                      

Cynthia A. McClelland © 2003-