Yes or Know?

Do you think you ever really know someone?  Do you think you should?  Even after almost 20 years of wedded bliss, I can unequivocally maintain my love muffin says or does something, usually randomly (and to my amazement) that relates to the tidbits of trivia he has stored in the depths of his being related to incidents and activities BC (before Cindy).  Just when I think I have him figured out, I don’t and I wonder what else that could be lurking under his calm, cool exterior.

Occasionally to test my mental abilities and knowledge of my betrothed, I speculate what he will order off a menu (I am running about 75% accuracy), I purchase a shirt in a color he will like and actually wear (50/50 hit rate) or I try to predetermine what his opinion will be to a matter of the heart (< 2% exactness).  Even with the best of knowledge the human factor kicks in and can throw you off course and I have found my response to him usually sways his response which in turn will cause me to react and then him, and so on until we have hit a stalemate (this, I know, is 100% predictable).

Do you think we are obliged to let our nearest and dearest be aware of everything about ourselves, even our deepest and darkest secrets?  Come to think of it, I am not an open book.  Not that I try to be mysterious, it just seems my recall lends itself to pertinent, relative information for the moment.  If there is need for a reference to past experiences, I choose accordingly, as to not incriminate myself, and apply the facts as needed.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to know everything about everyone else, I do.

Over the years, my recollections of (my) days gone by have become clouded, but memories of others, as they relate to me, are crystal clear.  I find other peoples lives fascinating and a great point of reference to where they may be (mind and body) today.  I can remember the details of a particular discussion and its outcome, but can’t be certain what I had for dinner two nights ago.

Perceived selective hearing along with discriminating timing is imperative for those who want to maintain a low profile in the knowledge game.  The ability to “forget” is as important as remembering an event, a person or sordid details.  I have a friend who ran into an old boyfriend who was with his date and she was with her current love, and fortunately both the ex and the friend were able to deflect a potentially difficult situation by being able to remember each other casually (“you look familiar, didn’t I meet you a party at Mary’s house 2 years ago?”) and only those with discerning eyes would be able to tell there had ever been an attraction… and it wasn’t two years ago.

If there is anything I can leave you with in your search of being in the know, is that trust plays a huge part.  Sharing part of yourself should be given only to those who pass your test of conviction and sincerity.  Knowing someone takes time and having someone know you will take time.  Whatever knowledge you are lucky enough to give or receive, don’t be too judgmental, if it wasn’t for our pasts we couldn’t have gotten to where we are today.

Cynthia A. McClelland, curious observer of the obvious with interpretations of the oddities of daily life.  Mother, wife and lover of the furry, resides in the north Lake Tahoe area.

Cynthia A. McClelland © 2003-