Put the Squeeze On

There seems to be a hugging frenzy going on in our society today.  I don’t know what this world is coming to, but one and all are enveloping each other at a drop of a hat with little or no regard and in any context.  Just the other day, I was given a well intentioned, yet with no feeling or emotion, embrace from someone I had just met.  I was shocked.  Although, it was this person’s nature to hug when he said hello, I didn’t feel the love… as in, (a) what the heck does this guy think he was doing intruding into my personal space without my permission, and (b) does he expect me to hug him back?  Should I have just accepted it for what it was?  Was I being a bit too sensitive and analytic?

I wasn’t raised a hugger.  Sad, but true.  Not everyone is blessed with the hugging gene.  When I grew up, way back during the stone age in the Midwest, it wasn’t quite the norm to give out hugs spontaneously.  Family and friends would come and go with nary a handshake - which was usually only done by the men who could use this technique to measure up one other with the strength of their grips.

This was also the time when TV shows had very few public displays of affection and married sit-com people were sleeping in separate twin-sized beds.  Needless to say there were no real role models to pattern your hugs after so a lot was left up to one’s imagination and much fumbling around ensued.

It has been a long and difficult process to throw off my shackles of childhood and become skilled at the styles and meanings of putting the gentle squeeze onto other people.  But I have learned from the BBC (of all places, never thought of the Brits as the type) “Hugs can be given and received by two or more people.  They can be done lying down, sitting or standing up, or in any combination of the three.  They can be given from the back, the sides or the front and can be short, long, or any length of time in between.  The great thing about a good hug is that it requires very little energy, doesn't pollute the environment, costs nothing, is silent, doesn't hurt in any way and still leaves you happy, content, and usually ready for more.  You can be addicted to it without hurting yourself or others in any way.  They can of course induce jealousy from people not being hugged and can be quite contagious.”

It appears one hug doesn’t fit all.  There are hugs to say hello, to comfort and to begin the chance of romance.  There are “sandwich” hugs where the parents can squish their child in between, group hugs amongst friends and dance floor hugs between lovers.  The possibilities seem endless but I think I am finally getting the hang of when to do which embrace and willing to put myself out there to give it a whirl.  However, the BBC advises “hug types are gender specific and differ between men and women - to avoid embarrassment, try not to use the incorrect hug.”

It seems complicated, but if you are on familiar terms with your hugging repertoire and are able to distinguish the types of hugs you are secure with and the recipients you are willing to bestow the art of hugging, this science of snuggle-buggling isn’t too complex.

A minor technicality that you may encounter is knowing if you are the huggee or the hugger.  This basic, yet alluding, knowledge is critical to the process.  Don’t let this deter you, go forth and hug.  Finding out can be amusing, informative and half the fun.

Cynthia A. McClelland, curious observer of the obvious with interpretations of the oddities of daily life.  Mother, wife and lover of the furry, resides in the north Lake Tahoe area.

Cynthia A. McClelland © 2003-